Far From Over

Those who follow the news have likely seen a number of events lately involving trans issues that seem to have gone in the favor of trans rights. I mentioned last week that the military here in the states is looking to repeal the ban on trans service members. Earlier this week, Brianna Wu wrote a piece about how Samus is most likely trans (which made me so very, very happy). A few weeks ago, when yet another trans woman was murdered, news outlets never once referred to her using her birth name or said “was born a man” or any other form of their typical misgendering. Sadly, those are all just one side of the issue.

Safe Space, What Does it Really Mean?

I spoke last time about slurs, and there’s more that can be said on that issue alone. However, today, let’s look at something that jumps off of that point and look at the bigger picture of the safe spaces where the arguments are going on. Not only is this slurs issue one that comes up in safe space, but so do many others. And this differs somewhat from whether it’s a generic safe space, such as one for all LGBTQ people like the youth center I volunteer at, or if it’s one for one specific group, such as a group for trans people, or even more specific such as trans youth or black trans men (which we have down here). So let’s look at general rules first, then I’ll get into some more specifics.

Words and the Power They Have: On Reclaiming Slurs

I mentioned way back at the start of this blog how there have been issues in the past with trans men using the word tranny and this upsetting trans women. Well, this issue came up again locally with a trans man casually throwing the word around and began a bit of conflict within one of the local trans groups of some members saying not to use the word and others arguing for the use of the word. Since this is an issue that continues to be fought amongst not just the trans community, but most minority communities, I felt like talking about it today.

Stereotypes: Good or Bad?

Back on Tuesday, Zavirevire brought up the issue of labels leading to stereotypes. This raises the question about are stereotypes inherently good or bad, and how we should address them.

We all know the stereotypes. Gay men are flaming, limp wristed, lisping men. Lesbians are ultra-mannish and don’t shave their body hair. Trans women are just men badly pretending to be women. Black people love fried chicken and watermelon. Asians are good at school, but lousy in bed. These kinds of stereotypes are based in prejudice, but not all stereotypes are bad. There’s worse ones for black people than the fried chicken and watermelon one, and lots of people like both foods. And much like labels, sometimes stereotypes help us find our identities when we’re struggling to find them.

Trans or Cis, What’s the Point?

Someone recently said to me, “I never liked the term trans woman. A woman is a woman, no matter what’s between their legs or how they were born.”

This sparked an interesting discussion. While the sentiment is noble, it’s also both right and wrong. They were right that a woman is a woman regardless of the circumstances of her birth or the state of her genitals. However, there’s more to the argument than just that. As I pointed out, using that same logic, then the term lesbian should also be hated, as a woman is a woman, no matter if she’s gay or straight. The words trans and cis, just like gay or straight, are terms to identify with. Labels to help others understand us, and help us find ourselves as well.

Media Portrayals of Transition

People often believe that transition is just a simple surgery and then poof, magically over. This really is the fault of the media, who are unable to truly represent it in the short span of time they have for their stories. It’s so common to make it appear easy and magical that there’s even a trope about it (and I just ruined the rest of someone’s day just by linking that). It’s such a pervasive myth that when Natalie Reed did her two-post essay on 13 myths and misconceptions about trans women, it came up as part of number three. This ties back to the whole belief of “The Op” being what it’s all about. So much so that there are many (even many trans people) who believe that transition ends after. I’m of the mind that transition is far more than the physical, and never ends. I actually ran into this a bit back, while I was visiting my dad.

The Skinny on Asexuality

Today is two posts. Go read the other here.

Alright, so lately I’ve been running into a lot of confusion from others as to what being asexual means and what it stems from. People literally do not understand it; it’s so far outside their scope of understanding that they cannot comprehend it. My therapist thinks it stems from forgotten sexual abuse as a child. My roommate thinks it’s just being celibate and that one day I’ll find the right person and want to jump their bones constantly. My friends and associates at the local trans youth group (who are all extremely sexual) had no clue what it is. The VA psychiatrist I saw yesterday (more on him in the other post for today) didn’t understand it and had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I’ve never had attractions, and was about ready to make the “how do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never had it” argument until I explained that I have had it before. My grandparents were boggled that I’ve only ever had a handful of relationships in my life. Since so many people are confused by it, I thought I’d try to explain it a bit better.

Past References and How to Do It Right

Another late post due to travel yesterday. The trip went well and I was pleasantly surprised at how accepting my family was and how much effort they made to try and adjust to my transition. That’s not to say there weren’t hiccups, there were, and that’s actually what I want to address today.

My family went kind of back and forth on use of my old male name and my true female name, but still used male pronouns. This is kind of to be expected, pronouns are usually the last thing people change because of how fundamental gender is to us. However, there was one incident where my grandparents, my dad, his wife, and I were all sitting around, and stories were being told about when I was little. My grandma started out by using my male name, then caught herself and said “well, you’re Caitlin now, but you were [insert old male name] back then, so anyway…” and continued her story, using my old name. This really stood out to me. If she hadn’t caught herself and just continued her story, sure I would’ve noticed, but I would’ve accepted it as part of her still adjusting. But she did catch herself, and she made a justification to keep using the wrong name.

On Trans People And our Bodies

This one’s a bit late in getting posted. I spent all day yesterday traveling to visit my dad (which is going well so far, they’re still using the wrong pronouns and mostly the wrong name, but there have been some efforts to use my female name), and I didn’t really know what to say either. So I’ve thought about it and realized, I do have a topic.

The other night, near the end of the group I run at a local club, I was talking to a couple of the people who had attended and the topic of trans came up. Throughout the evening, the woman in the couple kept slipping on pronouns for me (but at least corrected herself in a simple “sorry, she” kind of manner). But at one point, she brought up the trans porn industry, and mentioned Buck Angel (after messing up his name and calling him Buck Naked), and referring to him as “the man with the vagina.” This whole evening highlights a few points of trans existence.

Oppressed and Oppressor, How Pain and Anger Manifest

I’ve received a lot of feedback from people on my last post, and it’s interesting the diversity, or lack thereof, of the responses.  Basically, there have been three responses: that I was being too confrontational and shouldn’t have put any of it online, that it was good and helpful information, and that I wasn’t confrontational enough, especially not at the initial instance of stuff happening.  It’s the two extremes I feel like addressing today.

All of those who said I was being too confrontational were cis, and all who said I wasn’t confrontational enough were trans.  This is a good representation of how trans/cis relations often end up being.  One look over at Dear Cis People shows a number of trans people venting frustrations at interactions they’ve had with cis people, and cis people attacking the blog as being hateful.